Halloween

Alright folks. Halloween is in 3 days, but our (old) ward party is in just over 48 hours. I have no costume. I don't feel that I need one, but I'm not necessarily opposed. These are our assets (Italicized items have been added since the original post):

• Junk laying around my house
• My wardrobe (pretty boring)
• Shannon's wardrobe (but I'm not cross dressing)
• A clown nose
• Glasses (just plain glass lenses, so I can wear them w/o bumping into things)
• Long hair (I haven't cut it in a month, so it's pretty shaggy)
• Long beard (well, long for me. Again it hasn't been touched in a few weeks, so it's long.)
• A beret (actually from France!)
  
• Suspenders
• Straw Hat
• A baby
  

Any costume ideas?

If I listed it in the assets, its pretty much free game. So if you can come up with a costume that involves cutting my hair weird, I'm open to it, provided I can get it back to something reasonable afterward. Same thing with the beard (hmmm . . . I could shave half of it off and go as a Nair commercial?) The current top idea is just to slick up my hair, put on the glasses and pretend to be someone else. Hey, it worked for Clark Kent. (Yes, I realize that he slicked up his hair and took off his glasses, but the principle still applies. Comb hair + adjust glasses = perfect disguise.)

p.s. As an interesting note, I can't currently shave my beard completely off. I can trim it down pretty short, but I simply don't have any sort of razor at home of any kind that I could shave it all off with.