Bum Jokes

Julia is officially 2 1/2 how, which means we've hit the age where anything can be made funnier by replacing any word with "bum". Examples:

From Blues Clues:

"We just got a letter, we just got a letter, we just got a letter, wonder who it's from"

becomes . . . .

"We just got a bum shake, we just got a bum shake, we just got a bum shake, wonder who it's from"

Or, if you're feeling slightly sacrilegious:

"The Lord commanded Nephi to go and get the plates"

becomes . . . . .

"The bum commanded Nephi to go and get the bum"

While Julia makes the jokes, the rest of us try our best to pretend they aren't funny.

X-ray vision

In my previous post, I made reference to x-ray vision. The typical view of x-ray vision is that it lets you see through or inside something. Let's clear up how x-rays actually work.

X-rays let you see through your skin and look at your bones. This is true. What happens is that the x-ray go through your soft skin that is mostly made up of light elements. Carbon, oxygen and hydrogen are probably the three most abundant elements in your skin. They have atomic masses of 12, 16 and 1 amu, respectively. The x-rays react very weakly with the light elements and hit the x-ray film. Your bones are made up of many of those same elements, but also one more: calcium! Calcium has an atomic weight of 40, so it stops a lot more of the x-rays, leaving a white spot on the film. Ta-da! You can now see your bones.

The problem is in adapting this to other uses, like Superman's x-ray vision. It only works if you're looking through something made of light elements, to see something made of heavy elements, which has a film behind it. But apparently Superman can shoot x-rays out, which travel through walls (note: sheetrock is made of gypsum, which is made of . . . . calcium! (and sulfate ions, and water)) (also, cement or cinderblock is pretty good at stopping x-rays, because cement is made from limestone, which is made of . . . . calcium carbonate!) bounces off of soft people, goes back through the walls and then is processed by his hi-tech x-ray eyes. It just doesn't work.

So, even with fancy x-ray equipment, Julia would have been hard pressed to identify the sugar and paper sucker inside the paper bag. (Sugar is made of carbon, hydrogen and oxygen, and sadly, no calcium.) We're down to exceedingly impressive spelling skills and ESP as the top two explanations. And ESP isn't looking too likely.

Or maybe it was ghosts.

Julia the Psychic

Somehow, Julia seems to have developed special powers. She is constantly coming up with stuff that we can't figure out how she knows it. And this isn't stuff that she could have over heard, or seen on TV. As we are driving towards Target she says "there's Target". Can she read road signs? We just moved, and we went a way to get there that she has never been on. Maybe she can read, or at least recognize the Target logo.

But then puzzle me this one: A few weeks ago we drove past PetSmart. Julia says "can we go to the pet store?" She's never been to a PetSmart before. In St. George we had a PetCo that she loved to go to (its our poor person's zoo). How does she know what these buildings are?

And finally, we went out to eat at A&W a week ago. I don't know that Julia has ever been there. She got a kids meal. We pulled out her food, leaving the treat in the bag. I looked in the bag to see what she got, and told Shannon it was a "t-o-o-t-s-i-e-p-o-p". Shannon told her if she ate her food she would get a treat, and she said "a sucker". I asked her "how many suckers?". She said "two". I asked what color. She said "red". I asked for the color of the other one. She said "blue". But she was wrong. There was one red and one brown sucker. HOW ON EARTH DOES SHE KNOW THESE THINGS??? The bag was never tipped over such that she could see in. I checked, and the bag is not translucent enough to see what is inside when it is held up to the light. Either that girl knows what "t-o-o-t-s-i-e-p-o-p" means, or she has x-ray vision, or she has ESP. I just don't get it.

Small Things

I don't expect everyone one out there to appreciate this, but this afternoon at work I put my pen in my drawer.  Yes folks, that's right, I put my pen in my drawer.  It was a big day for me.

Update from MI

We are live and in Michigan.  Today was the first day of work, and things went fairly well.  Our stuff has not yet caught up to us, so we are still living in a hotel.  But, we managed to get library cards today, so the library is our new best friend in town!  (Because we have oh, so many other friends in town for the library to compete with.)

 

The drive went about as well as any 2,500 miles trek across the country with two small kids can go.  It was long, and very windy.  We did get to stop and see friends/family/former residences important people in Canon City, Lawrence, Olathe, Omaha and Nauvoo.

 

It's a bit early to have much to report at work.  After 1 day, I have a badge and a computer.  There is a phone there, too, but I'm not completely sure if it works yet.  I have my own little cubicle with my name plate already afixed outside!  (And a real desk with an actual drawer!  This is the big time FOR SURE!)  The first week(s) will consist of getting lost in the building, reading and asking dumb questions.

 

Our stuff should arrive here soon, so then we can start getting back to "regular" life.  (aka: life with constant internet access)