All Aboard the Calling Carousel

It's been about two years since I was called to be the choir accompanist in my ward, which made the 5th ward in a row where I held that calling. At the time, I estimated that I had accompanied 2,229 songs at church meetings over the years, which is a very conservative guess.

Well, for the first time in nearly a decade, I was released from playing for the choir without moving out of the ward. (I think they forgot to actually release me. But they called someone else, and that's what really counts.) Within a week or two of that release, I was also released from my other calling as EQ secretary.

Obviously, it was time to hit me up with some new callings. First, I was called to be the choir director. We'd been without one for a few months after the last one moved away. I wasn't thrilled. I'm still not thrilled. We finally had our first choir practice last week, and let me tell you, I was nervous. I would rather do nearly anything than lead the choir. I would rather speak in church every single week. I would rather teach any class. I would rather sit on the stand and conduct sacrament meeting. (The three hours at church as the bishop wouldn't be all that scary. The other 165 hours of the week as bishop are another matter entirely.)

A week or so later, I was called to teach the 12 and 13-year-old Sunday School class, which I think would be a lot of fun. What with General and Stake conferences, it was going to be a few weeks before I got to actually teach the class, but I was already looking up who was in the class and mulling over upcoming lessons.

Oh wait! Never mind! I got released from that calling last week. Yup, released from teaching a class that I never even got to teach. They offered me the customary "vote of thanks" on Sunday, though I'm not sure what anyone could be thanking me for. I never even got around to getting set apart for the calling.

And so, after a break that technically only lasted a couple of weeks, I'm back to twiddling my fingers at church, now as the Primary Pianist. So, that accompaniment total isn't going to stop going up any time soon. I'm reasonably excited for the calling. Primary can leave you feeling a little bit isolated from the ward, and I'm mostly hiding behind the piano (*ahem* electric device that looks like a real piano but most certainly isn't). But the kids (even my own) seem excited to have me there, perhaps based on me subbing as the primary chorister two times a few months back.

So, that's the story of getting 3 callings over the course of about 5 Sundays. Maybe I'll report back in a few weeks to let you know if they've moved me around again.

Behold

Over the last few nights, we've made it through Samuel the Lamanite's famous speach in chapters 13, 14 and 15 of Helaman.  There are some things that are easier to behold when you're reading out loud, and boy, did I behold one.  Behold, it was very apparent, at there is a certain word that Samuel likes to use repeatedly.  It felt like in nearly every verse, behold, there it was.  So, let's all pull out our calculator watches, do some quick math and behold whether I'm right, or just beholding a mirage.

I pulled out Samuel's full speech, which consists of 3711 words.  He uses "behold" 53 times, or once every 70.0 words.

The internet tells me that the Book of Mormon has 268,163 words in it.  Or 267,332.  Or 270745.  It seems the internet isn't quite sure, but it doesn't really matter.  Sticking with that first number, I'll take out the 3711 words that are Samuel speaking for 264,452 non-Samuel words.  scriptures.lds.org says that there are 1499 instances of "behold" in the Book of Mormon, so once we take out Samuel's 53 uses, there are 1446 left to go around.  The math reveals that this is once every 182.9 words.

Divide those two numbers, and we behold that Samuel is using the word "behold" at a rate 2.6 times that of the rest of the Book of Mormon as a whole. Lo and be - well look at that.

Peace

The Gospel of Jesus Christ is certainly a broad subject.  There are many side streets to wander down in discussing prayer, sabbath observance, stories of prophets, and of course, the role and nature of Jesus.  There are also a great many practical applications - fasting, honoring your parents, honesty, etc. - that are every day sort of things, and which allow for very straight-forward discussion.  But I've been thinking about something that I think is a little under-discussed in the LDS church.  Peace.

Now, it's entirely possible, that I've been sick, or out of town for all the applicable Sundays and have just missed out.  Or, that I've just been in the wrong wards.  Or I slept through all three of the talks on peace in the last general conference (I repeat: this is entirely possible).  But clearly, I'm hinting that I find this explanation less likely.  So, today, I present some thoughts on peace.

peace, with a little 'p'
"Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God." (Matthew 5:9)  When we/I do think about peace, I think it is often what I'm calling peace (with a little 'p').  (This distinction will hopefully be a little more clear when we get to Peace (big 'p') in a moment.)  We seek peace in our homes.  We try and get little kids to not fight (difficult), and parents not to loose their tempers with those little kids (more difficult).  We seek peace in time of trial and doubt ("Come unto me . . . and I will give you rest."  Matthew 11:30).  This is right, and I don't want to take away from this peace that, hopefully, we can all find in our lives.  But I wanted to really touch on the topic of . . .

Peace! (big 'p')
Maybe we're too jaded to want to talk about Peace, after decades of praying for World Peace.  Maybe we've gone hoarse from saying "give peace a chance".  Maybe we've just accepted that we are to live in a time of "wars and rumors of wars".  The sooner Armageddon can get here, the sooner it is over and we can get to the Second Coming, right?  I don't like that way of thinking, primarily because it gives me nothing to do but sit back and watch the world burn.  But often, I think we look at references to the Savior as the "Prince of Peace" as something that can't happen until the millennium, when the lamb and the lion shall lie down together without any ire.

Instead of all that, I like to remember some other verses of scripture.  We should have our "feet shot with the . . . gospel of peace" (Eph. 6:15)  And if you need more feet scriptures, you can remember Roman 10:15: "How beautiful are the feet of them that preach the gospel of peace, and bring glad tidings of good things!"  The gospel that Paul and his buddies spent all their time spreading was - and is - a gospel of peace.  The 4th-Nephites had "no contention in the land, because of the love of God which did dwell in the hearts of the people . . . and surely there could not be a happier people who had been created by the hand of God" (4 Ne 1: 15,16)

I guess the problem with World Peace is that it seems to be too large for anyone to affect much on their own.  But maybe if everyone thought a little bit more on peace, some of the bigger conflicts would take care of themselves.  I wish we lived in a world where we felt it was a tragedy that we even needed a standing army.  Instead, combat video games are some of the best selling titles.  I wish camouflage was put on with the same reluctance as a hazmat suit.  Perhaps with more focus on peace, we wouldn't send athletes into sports centered around inflicting pain, and brutally defeating opponents (boxing, and MMA, I'm looking at you).

All the best scriptures about peace seem to come from Isaiah, and I've got just two more for you.  From Chapter 52, verse 7: "How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him the bringeth good tidings, that publisheth peace; that bringeth good tidings of good, that publisheth salvation; that sayeth unto Zion, Thy God reigneth."  We are part of wards that form Stakes of Zion on the earth.

And finally, one of my favorite scriptures from Isaiah.  While I know these last two are pretty specifically "last days" verses, I think the ideas expressed are beautiful, and I anxiously await their arrival.  From Isaiah 2:4:

"And they shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruning hooks: nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more."

Um . . . have you read the book?

Tonight for FHE, we sang "Book of Mormon Stories" for both the opening and closing song.  (Julia's choice)  This brought to light two things that I've noticed lately about the song.  First, neither Shannon nor I are too sure about the exact lyrics in the second verse.  We get the gist of it, but we're never sure if the Lamanites are "meeting", "seeking", "finding" or "other-verb-ing" others who are seeking liberty.

The other thing is, did Elizabeth Fetzer Bates ever actually read the Book of Mormon?  I mean, think about the lyrics.

"Book of Mormon stories that my teacher tells to me are about the Lamanites in ancient history."
The Book of Mormon is about the Lamanites?  Really?  I'm pretty sure it follows the Nephites quite a bit more.  The Lamanites are kinda the bad guys.  The most notable good-guy Lamanite is Samuel, and his back story is pretty much "so, this Lamanite just showed up one day and said a bunch of stuff.  We couldn't hit him with rocks, and then he left and we never heard from him again."  Maybe the cop-out here is that Sister Bates had a teacher that only liked to tell the Lamanite stories? (Samuel, Lamoni, etc.)

"Lamanites met others who were seeking liberty"
Ah, turns out it's "seeking".  Again, verse two starts with the Lamanites.  No mention of the Nephites yet.  And they met "others" who were seeking liberty.  That must mean they have met two separate groups who are seeking liberty, because the Lamanites certainly aren't one of those groups.  Unless the song is talking about the Lamanites seeking the liberty to bash in some Nephite skulls.  But that can't be it, because the Nephites aren't in this song.

vs 4: "Abinadi . . . all chained up from head to toe"
Actually, no chains in the scriptural account.  But, they are in the famous picture.

vs 8: "After Christ was crucified . . . He came forth to teach the truth"
I'm not sure why Christ's visit to the Nephites (note: not the Lamanites) is the 8th verse.  Has anyone ever gotten this far in the song?  All those primary kids hands would be numb from banging on their scriptures at the end of each line by verse 5 or 6, I think.  The crowing event - the Most Important Story of the whole book, one might say - should be somewhere in the first couple of verses, I would think.  I get that it's a big finish and all, but, really, way to bury the lead (lede?).  (The answer to this is probably that the "optional" verses were written years later by Nancy K. Daines Carter.)

Sister Bates would be turning 105 this year, so she's probably not around to answer these important questions about one of Primary's defining songs.  Obviously, La-man-ites fits in the song much better than Ne-ee-phites, so we can't make a simple swap to fix things up.  The time to fix this would have been 1969 when the song was being written.  Maybe I'll see if I can get my girls to pronounce it Ne-phi-ites . . .

Twiddling my Fingers

I started taking piano lessons when I was about 8 years old.  From the very beginning, I remember my dad telling me things like "you'll be able to play in church your whole life."

Today's topic: was this prophesy a blessing or a curse?

I started playing the piano for priesthood when I was probably about 13, and did so until I left for college, about 4 years later.  So, 1 hymn a week, 48 weeks a year for 4 years gives 192 songs.  At first, it was the same half dozen songs on a loop, but I gradually branched out, which was good for when I started going to seminary.

Despite growing up in Zion, in 4 years I never had someone else in my seminary class who would admit to playing the piano.  Statistically, it's hard to imagine that no one else in those classes could play.  (C'mon, 100 Mormons and not a single one that plays the piano?)  Well, I guess Tracy could play "I Stand All Amazed" so for one year (1 semester?) I didn't have to play that one.  Accounting for a few absences, assemblies and Tracy, we'll cut that down to 150 hymns a year for 4 years, for another 600.

As a missionary, I played in the MTC and in 4 of my 5 areas for church.  So, we'll call that 83 weeks of 3 songs a week (I don't remember rest hymns on my mission) for 249 more.  I played for the choir in one ward.  I also played for every missionary conference, musical fireside, etc for 2 years.  This number is more fuzzy, but I'm going to claim credit for another 100 songs.  Oh, and I provided the piano for 1 1/2 CDs, too, so throw on another 20 for good measure.

Amazingly, as a single guy in Provo, I almost never played the piano for anything.  It's really quite curious that I have been playing the piano more or less continuously for nearly 20 years in every single ward, branch, seminary class, whatever, except for my 3 single student wards in Provo.  Once I got married, all bets were off.  1 year as an organist: 3.5 x 48 = 168.

That was immediately followed by a year as a choir accompanist.  I'm not sure how to best count playing for the choir.  We only perform for the ward about once a month, but we have practice every week.  I only play one song per week, but I do play it over and over again.  I'm going to claim credit for 3 "songs" per week while playing for the choir.  Some of those songs are hard.  So, 40 weeks per year (choirs take weeks off occasionally) x 3 = 120.

We went to my parents house for a few months, so I got some time off before we went to St. George, where within a month or two, I was playing for the choir again.  2 years there gives 240 more songs.  At this point, special musical numbers in church are just an extra throw in that I don't even charge for.  We bought a house in St. George, and moved wards, where it took only a month or two before I was choir pianist again.  2 more years, 240 more songs.

Then we went to Michigan.  One of our very first weeks there, we went to choir, and they mentioned that the accompanist was moving, and they weren't sure who would play the piano for them.  2 or 3 weeks later, I started my next stint playing for the choir.  So, another 2.5 years and 300 songs.

(Lest people nit-pick my life story here, it was probably only 9 months in Provo, and our two stops in St. George were about 24 and 25 months, so the one and two months it took before I was called leave things a bit short of the 1 and 2 years I'm claiming.  But, we were in Michigan 2 years and 10 months, so that evens things out a bit.  Also, remember those special musical numbers I threw in for free?)

We've now landed in Illinois, where I haven't had a calling for 4 months.  (That doesn't mean that I still didn't accompany the women's half (or three quarters) of the choir, and a Shanny solo for the Christmas program.)  Well, to the surprise of almost no one (other than the choir director) I'm the new choir accompanist.

As you've been adding up all these numbers, you see that I'm now somewhere around 2,229 songs into my accompanying career in church.  Yes dad, those piano lessons have paid off.  I really don't mind playing for the choir, though it's been nice to have a break for a few months from playing.  I'll keep on playing as long as there are Bishops to keep calling me, but I do have one rule that I had to institute a number of years ago: I don't pick hymns anymore.  I've picked them all so many times.  I can play way more of them than most people know, so if you need someone to play a hymn for you, I'm glad to do it, but you pick it.

Difficult Times

During President Hinckley's funeral, Pres. Monson read a letter sent by President Bush and his wife. (What do I call them? Pres. and Mrs. Bush?) The letter was nice, and the Bushes said that they hoped "our faith would sustain us through this difficult time" or something to that effect. I have similarly heard people describe this time as "nervous" or "uncertain". I understand the sentiment, but I don't echo it.

I was in Elders Quorum yesterday (for the first time in months, as the YM president told us that we should go) as the EQP was released, and a new president called. I like the old president, but I'm glad he got released. I haven't been to Elders Quorum in months, so I never get to see him. He will now be the Gospel Doctrine teacher, so I get to hear his lessons regularly now. I like the new president, too. But as I was sitting in the room and the changes were being made, I thought about the similarities to the reorganization of the first presidency of the church. While the EQ in our ward is going through a change, I feel a similar lack of trepidation concerning the change. I don't worry, because I know it will be ok. The church is a marvelous machine. So long as it is guided from above, the rest of us can get shuffled from position to position down here, and I'll feel safe knowing that everything will work out.

Journals

I was recently reading something published by the church talking about journal writing. It encouraged journal writers to focus on everyday events and good things, rather than simply listing all the bad things that happen in life. Not that bad things have to be avoided, but focusing on them will only serve to depress the writer and guarantee that no one will ever read the journal.

On a related note, Shannon isn't posting much, and I've sunk into another posting drought. Simply put, I don't want to write a daily report on Shannon feeling ill, and you don't want to read it. These days it's just a part of our lives.

I'll be playing the piano for a musical number in church on Sunday. These days I'm the choir pianist (because the old choir pianist is pregnant), and I'm the priesthood pianist (when the electric keyboard works), and I'm the emergency backup organist (because the organist is pregnant). 2 weeks ago, Shannon was not doing well, but played the prelude. Then, just before the meeting started, she stepped out, and I hopped on the organ and played the first two hymns. As I sat down, I told the bishopric that we were doing "tag-team organ". Shannon came back just before the second hymn and played the closing hymn.

Excuses

Well, no doubt, every one's hearts have grown fonder towards me and my blog in the last 10 days or so. Yes, I've been away. But, I've decided to plunge back in, and to motivate myself, I'm using an excuse theme. I'll tell you what I've been doing to keep me away from such an important task as blogging.

Excuse 1: Church
Yes, it's only one day a week, but what a day that is! Yesterday I went to PEC at 9, followed immediately by BYC at 10. I got to go home at about 10:30 and rest up for the afternoon. Pre-sacrament meeting choir practice was at 1 (we sang in sacrament meeting, I'm the pianist), followed by regular church from 1:30 to 4:30 and choir practice immediately afterward. A few minutes after 5 I dropped Shannon off at home and went to pick up my home teaching companion for our 5 o'clock appointment, to which we were only 10 minutes late. I was back home at about 5:40 or 5:45 with enough time to say 'hi' before heading out for the court of honor at 6. I was home a few minutes after 7. Heaven help me if I'm ever in the bishopric.

Processing Good Experiences

Shannon and I went to a meeting for Mas and Pas yesterday. We were told it would be a 45 minute meeting. Let me summarize what was covered for you:

• The trek will be a really good experience
• It will be hard
• The difficulties will make it a good experience
• We need to process what happens
• The experiences will be made better by processing them
• Even though it will be hard, it will be a good experience
• This is going to be a really good experience for the youth
• The trek will be a really good experience

You might think I'm joking with that list, but really, it greatly under emphasizes their key point, which was: "the trek will be a really good experience". An hour and forty minutes later, we left the meeting. We're looking forward to the next one.

(Oh, "processing" was the buzz word of the day. It means "talk about what has happened". The purpose is to get the kids to think about the terrible things we're going to make them do and apply them to their lives and stuff like that. But clearly "We need to process what we're going through" is much better than saying "We need to talk about what we're going through" or even "we need to discuss what we're going through". No, this is a far better, because we're "processing".)

Basketball Final

Well, our basketball team won it's last game of the season. We finish with a 4-3 record and two overtime losses. I think it's the best 4-3 basketball team I've ever been on. I also realized after the game last night that it's the first basketball team I've been on in 8 years. That really surprises me, that in the last 8 years I've never found myself on a basketball team. Anyway, the game was closer than it should have been for most of it, but we finally pulled away in the 4th quarter. Of note, Jade got a dunk on a fast break last night. As he got the ball, Phil was on the bench next to me yelling out "Dunk it! Dunk it!" and I was next to him yelling, "Don't dunk it! Don't dunk it!" Thankfully neither ref seemed to know what I know: dunking is illegal in church ball. The dunk was in the 3rd quarter while we were still hanging on to a lead of 3 or 4 points, and I didn't want to give away an easy 2 and give the other team a technical free throw.

But, another 14 points for me, and I went 4/4 from the charity stripe. 10 more months until next season . . .

THIS is young?

On Sunday, an older man (83 years young) mentioned that when they moved into the ward 9 years ago there were a lot more old people. MORE OLD PEOPLE?!?!? How? That's a scary thing to even imagine. Our ward is pretty antiquated, but we like 'em anyway. The biggest demographic we're missing is the 30-60 year old.

Don't worry folks, your weekly basketball updates will be over soon enough.

Our young men played again last week, against the only undefeated team in the stake. We did improve over our worst outing, by only letting them put up 21 points before we scored. I called zero fouls in the first half. They didn't need to foul to stop us, and we couldn't stop them even if we did, so I didn't see the point. In the second quarter, the other team made a rule that they would pass the ball 5 times before taking a shot. At least it kept the scoring down. But we came up with a way to make the second half more interesting. The score was reset and one player was inserted into our wards line up. He's 6 feet tall, has a beard and is just a touch too old to normally be allowed to play. (It's me, in case you couldn't tell.) I only scored 4 points, but I collected about 50 rebounds, mostly on the offensive end. It made it so our team would get 5 shots each time down the floor, and the other team would only get 1. We won the second half 21-18.

Church Basketbrawl Update

Last night our church basketball team did something that's never happened to me in any game of basketball before. We scored 0 points in the 4th quarter. And won. How you ask? Because the 4th quarter never happened. The 3rd quarter had a bunch of complaining, a flagrant foul, a near ejection, a player trying to walk off the other team (who only had 5 players) and finally the ref just called the game. All this while our bishop is ready to take the game out to the parking lot.

Tips for basketball:

• Don't let the other team have a 20 point lead in the second quarter.
• Don't say any words that you wouldn't use infront of your mother.
• Make free throws!
• Overtime losses still count as losses.
• Figure out how to get Brandon to shoot more

So, after our 76-74 OT loss, we drop to 2-3 for the season. The best team with a losing record I've ever been on. (Remember that 3OT loss from earlier in the season.)

Scout Sunday

This past Sunday at church was "Scout Sunday". Half a dozen kids and leaders were in their full scout uniforms at church. What else does Scout Sunday entail? I have no idea. It was never mentioned, there were no talks, no presentations, no announcements, nothing. Apparently the purpose is to get out of wearing a tie once a year.

Jesus Wants Me for a Top-Pilot!

Too bad I never got to be a Top-Pilot :(

This is by no means a comprehensive list, but here are some of the things that you probably missed out on in primary by being born too late: (with apologies to Lucile and Wendy, to only ones born pre-1970 to yet comment on this blog.)

Seagulls (12 & 13 year old girls), Bluebirds (10 & 11 year old girls) Zion's Boys and Zion's Girls (8 & 9 year olds), Trekker Boys (10 year old boys), Guide Boys (11 year old boys), Larks (9 year old girls), Larks (for youngest Home Builder girls), Co-Pilots (7 year olds), Top-Pilot (8 year olds), Moonbeams (3 year olds), Rainbows (6 year olds), Gaynotes (9 year old girls), Firelights (10 year old girls), Merrihands (11 year old girls)

I'm just glad that no little boy was ever subjected to being a gaynote.

Source: LDS.org

The Agony

While at Mountain Meadows today (summary: COLD!) I backed into a marble bench, which savagely attacked my calf. Apparently taking an injured muscle, doing nothing with it for a couple hours, then playing basketball for an hour and then sitting around for a few hours more is not good therapy. It is now highly painful to self-locomote.

But the real pain is that of losing a church basketball game. I think the final score was something like 76-73 as we came up just short in triple overtime. It was pretty nuts. We should have lost in regulation, but a buzzer beating 3 pointer kept us in it. We should have won in the first OT, but missed a close shot at the buzzer. We should have won in the second OT, but they had their own buzzer beating 3 pointer. By the 3rd OT we were almost glad to just have it end.

The Soft Seats

Being as how I'm a good doobie, I volunteered to usher at stake conference. Of course, when we got there 50 minutes early the chapel was full. Thus began the battle for the soft chairs. The far end of the cultural hall is often used for gospel doctrine. As a result, all of the soft chairs in the gym were set up way in the back, so when you got there, you could chose to sit relatively close to the chapel on a hard seat, or you can park about 30 rows behind most everyone else for some extra comfort. So we had a surprising number of people sitting a long way from the front. Until some keen old ladies came up with a new solution. Just start picking up the soft chairs in the back, move them to the front and have the best of both worlds. In all, a few dozen soft chairs were carted up to the front of the gym. Moral of the story: when any moment could be your last, do whatever it takes to be comfortable.

Basketball Clark

Despite my great apprehension earlier in the day, the first basketball game of the year went off exceedingly well. It's a bit tough organizing a basketball team, a referee, score keeper and time keeper when you don't really know anyone. Honestly, just about every single person in the ward that I know by name (and a few whose names I still can't quite learn) was there last night. Lucky for me the EQP was there, but unable to play, so he helped with the scoreboard. I reffed the first half, and then the Bishop (who had played the first half) traded jobs with me. It was my first experience reffing a game, and I guess it wasn't too terrible. Luckily, the game was very clean, and few fouls were needed. I came into the game in the second half, scored on the first two possessions and ended up with I think 12 points on 6 of 9 shooting. I did blow one layup, however. My defense was probably a bit poor, as I never really felt like I got into the game defensively. I picked up one beautiful block, where I went up and swatted the ball cleanly, and got possession. However, my own Bishop called me for a foul on what has got to be one of the two worst calls of the game. The other team admitted that it was a clean block. But, since the other worst call of the game was a no-call by me when I was ref, I guess the basketball gods were just repaying me. Ok, that's probably more about basketball than you really wanted to know. Oh, we won. Final score was 60-48 I think.

We're Gonna Be a Ma and Pa

Saturday afternoon we got a call from a stake executive secretary wanting to meet with us on Sunday. I then spent several hours annoying Shannon with my speculations as to what it could be for. Alas, we just weren't meant to be Stake Librarians I guess. Instead, we'll be trekking through the wilderness of Enterprise this spring with some of the youth and a hand cart. It'll be a three day thing on a Thursday, Friday, Saturday from May 31 - June 2 this spring/summer. Hopefully we can keep it in the low 100s, rather than the high 100s.