OK folks. Here at Bethletard, I tell it like it is. And what it is, is my blog. So, despite the fact that my blog and my basketball summaries have recently been announced to the ward, I'm keeping on with my same Clark-centric reporting style. You want unbiased evenly weighted commentary? Start a newspaper.
We won this weeks game by 22 or 24 points, I think. I'm not sure. In fact, I did a really poor job of keeping track of what was going on in the game. I was running when my team wanted to slow down, and generally did some weird things like taking the ball to the hoop with 20 seconds left and a 20 point lead. (Result: fouled and 2 made free throws. I think I'm shooting 50% on the year now.) I probably scored 8 or 10 points, but I always seem to get fouled up by the transition from watching from the bench to playing in the game.
Our team scored 70+ points this game, and I think Nelson, our 6-5 240 lb (estimates) center racked up at least 10 assists (another estimate). Chris also threw some down right ridiculous passes, and I still don't know how exactly he got the ball to where he did. I also got to witness for the first time Zach's super power: the pump fake. He gets the ball, rocks back a little bit, and suddenly defenders go flying into the air. I swear, I do that and nothing happens.
So, I guess that will have to tide you over for the next two weeks, as I'll be missing the game next week to learn how to have a baby. Unless someone wants to volunteer to be the very first guest blogger to come to Bethletard . . .
Thursday, January 31
Wednesday, January 30
Scouting
I don't understand scouting.
Let me clarify. I understand going on little camp outs. I understand sitting down and learning about first aid, and encouraging participation in sports, and community, and learning about a variety of things to make young men well rounded. That's the sort of scouting that I did as a kid. Show up, have fun, play some basketball and call it a day.
But there's a whole other world when it comes to scouting. There are scout committees and paperwork and who knows what else. A few months ago, I had to fill out some sort of form to be some sort of scout leader. It was never explained to me what it was, or why exactly I was filling it out. I left half the fields blank, because I had no idea what the form was talking about. Last night, I was told about a scout meeting I am supposed to attend this weekend. It will be Friday from 7-8:30 and Saturday from 8am to noon. (But there will be refreshments on Saturday.) What on earth are the scout people going to do for five and a half hours? I'm supposed to be there in my full scout uniform or Sunday best (I also don't understand how those are in any way equivalent) and listen to what I imagine will be 5 1/2 hours of "the young mens organization and scouting worth together". I'm sure they'll come up with a few powerpoint presentations to liven it up, but that'll be it. Me and scores of people listening to "scouting can have a great impact in the lives of the youth" for a quarter of a day.
Let me clarify. I understand going on little camp outs. I understand sitting down and learning about first aid, and encouraging participation in sports, and community, and learning about a variety of things to make young men well rounded. That's the sort of scouting that I did as a kid. Show up, have fun, play some basketball and call it a day.
But there's a whole other world when it comes to scouting. There are scout committees and paperwork and who knows what else. A few months ago, I had to fill out some sort of form to be some sort of scout leader. It was never explained to me what it was, or why exactly I was filling it out. I left half the fields blank, because I had no idea what the form was talking about. Last night, I was told about a scout meeting I am supposed to attend this weekend. It will be Friday from 7-8:30 and Saturday from 8am to noon. (But there will be refreshments on Saturday.) What on earth are the scout people going to do for five and a half hours? I'm supposed to be there in my full scout uniform or Sunday best (I also don't understand how those are in any way equivalent) and listen to what I imagine will be 5 1/2 hours of "the young mens organization and scouting worth together". I'm sure they'll come up with a few powerpoint presentations to liven it up, but that'll be it. Me and scores of people listening to "scouting can have a great impact in the lives of the youth" for a quarter of a day.
Friday, January 25
Exciting! Church Basketball
My church basketball entries have traditionally garnered little attention here on my blog. So, I'm going to write them as soon as possible after the games in order to make sure I get the maximum amount of angst into the entries. (Because for some reason, the minute I express an opinion on my blog, people are all over it.)
So as to not be incredibly whiny I'll volunteer right now that while I played ok during much of the game, I played pretty poorly in the final 2 minutes. I had multiple turnovers, multiple fouls and blew a really easy layup that played a part in costing us the game which we lost by 2 points.
Now the complaining!
By some amazing feat, the other team managed to play a full 19 minutes of basketball before being whistled for a single foul. I know, because I checked the stat sheet. Anyone familiar with church basketball will appreciate that 19 minutes of foul free basketball is impossible. It was violent, and we didn't get any of the calls. At one point, in response to our griping about the calls, one of the refs pointed out that our ward wasn't supplying any refs for the church basketball games. That sure sounds like he was implying that the wards who supply refs for games somehow get fewer fouls called on them. We sent our team lawyer out on the court to let him know that he was making the game personal. And, I will point out that I know with 100% certainty that absolutely no refereeing requests have been made of our ward, despite two names being supplied to the stake, and no refereeing schedule has found its way into the hands of the ward athletic director.
In the end, if we made a few more layups and a few more free throws, and didn't give up quite so many cheap transition buckets, we could have and should have won. But try telling that to the guy who stood stalk still in front of the hoop and let a 200 pound man knock him to the floor and has only a welt on the leg to show for it.
So as to not be incredibly whiny I'll volunteer right now that while I played ok during much of the game, I played pretty poorly in the final 2 minutes. I had multiple turnovers, multiple fouls and blew a really easy layup that played a part in costing us the game which we lost by 2 points.
Now the complaining!
By some amazing feat, the other team managed to play a full 19 minutes of basketball before being whistled for a single foul. I know, because I checked the stat sheet. Anyone familiar with church basketball will appreciate that 19 minutes of foul free basketball is impossible. It was violent, and we didn't get any of the calls. At one point, in response to our griping about the calls, one of the refs pointed out that our ward wasn't supplying any refs for the church basketball games. That sure sounds like he was implying that the wards who supply refs for games somehow get fewer fouls called on them. We sent our team lawyer out on the court to let him know that he was making the game personal. And, I will point out that I know with 100% certainty that absolutely no refereeing requests have been made of our ward, despite two names being supplied to the stake, and no refereeing schedule has found its way into the hands of the ward athletic director.
In the end, if we made a few more layups and a few more free throws, and didn't give up quite so many cheap transition buckets, we could have and should have won. But try telling that to the guy who stood stalk still in front of the hoop and let a 200 pound man knock him to the floor and has only a welt on the leg to show for it.
Wednesday, January 23
Kicked Out!
I have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning. I've never been good at it. I'm close friends with my snooze button, and I periodically have to physically move my alarm clock to force myself to wake up before I turn it off. (It's amazing what I can learn to do in my sleep!) (Sisters: feel free to not comment on that.)
Lately, however, there's been a new impetous to get me out of bed in the morning. As I lie there, trying to sleep for just a few minutes longer, it's like I can feel myself getting pushed out of bed. Well, really, it's more like a kick right in the kidneys. Check that, it is exactly like a kick in the kidneys. Who would be so mean as to kick me in the kidneys repeatedly, day after day, until I finally relent and get out of bed?
Wombsly.
Lately, however, there's been a new impetous to get me out of bed in the morning. As I lie there, trying to sleep for just a few minutes longer, it's like I can feel myself getting pushed out of bed. Well, really, it's more like a kick right in the kidneys. Check that, it is exactly like a kick in the kidneys. Who would be so mean as to kick me in the kidneys repeatedly, day after day, until I finally relent and get out of bed?
Wombsly.
Tuesday, January 22
Spiderman 3
Shannon and I finally watched Spiderman 3 last night. It was not what I expected, though, in retrospect, it is exactly what I should have expected. We borrowed the movie from friends (to whom I am grateful, and anything I am about to say should not detract from my gratitude) and excitedly popped it into the DVD player for our FHE activity.
The further we got into the movie the more I was thinking things like, "Is there anyone in real life who is even remotely as dumb as Peter Parker?" (Smooching other girls in front of your girl friend [to whom you want to propose].) "Is this the most improbable set of coincidences that could ever be imagined?" (The rival photographer is dating a model who just happens to be falling from the 62nd floor who just happens to be the police chiefs daughter, who just happens to be presenting the key to the city, who just happens to be kissing Spiderman, and she is also in Peter Parker's physics class. Because apparently NYC really is that small of a town. Also, the only 3 other people in NYC that seem to have super powers are Peter's best friend, Peter's photographer rival and the man who shot Peter's uncle!)
Whew! Time for a new paragraph. Next question I was asking myself: "Why is it again that we think that Toby Mcguire is a good actor?" I mean, he's not the worst or anything, but between his mediocre acting and some poor writing, there were some pretty bad parts. I think part of the problem is that I had watched Batman Begins the night before. That movie has actors! Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine, Liam Neeson, Christian Bale! They make the cast of Spiderman look a bit . . . anemic.
Well, that probably came out fairly harsh. The movie was fine, so I don't need any comments telling me that I'm going crazy ripping on Spiderman.
The further we got into the movie the more I was thinking things like, "Is there anyone in real life who is even remotely as dumb as Peter Parker?" (Smooching other girls in front of your girl friend [to whom you want to propose].) "Is this the most improbable set of coincidences that could ever be imagined?" (The rival photographer is dating a model who just happens to be falling from the 62nd floor who just happens to be the police chiefs daughter, who just happens to be presenting the key to the city, who just happens to be kissing Spiderman, and she is also in Peter Parker's physics class. Because apparently NYC really is that small of a town. Also, the only 3 other people in NYC that seem to have super powers are Peter's best friend, Peter's photographer rival and the man who shot Peter's uncle!)
Whew! Time for a new paragraph. Next question I was asking myself: "Why is it again that we think that Toby Mcguire is a good actor?" I mean, he's not the worst or anything, but between his mediocre acting and some poor writing, there were some pretty bad parts. I think part of the problem is that I had watched Batman Begins the night before. That movie has actors! Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine, Liam Neeson, Christian Bale! They make the cast of Spiderman look a bit . . . anemic.
Well, that probably came out fairly harsh. The movie was fine, so I don't need any comments telling me that I'm going crazy ripping on Spiderman.
Thursday, January 17
Basketball
You've probably felt something missing from your life, but couldn't put your finger on what it was. Don't worry, I'll tell you. That hole in your life has been you missing out on my ward basketball team updates!
The season started today, and we played . . . I don't know what ward. But somebody. We had about 12 guys, they had 7. We stayed close early. Then we got annoyed with the refs. (They do their best, I know them, and they're good guys.) The other team started pulling away behind some good free throw shooting. I think it's the first time I've ever seen a church team shoot 85%+ from the line. Anyway, our team, with all our people wasn't quite sure what we were doing on offense as most of us had never played together. Personally, I think I picked up 4 points. 2/2 from the line, and 1/3 from the floor. I got called for a charge, which is the first time that has happened in a long time, but it was definitely the right call.
Anyway, we found ourselves down by 12 in the 4th quarter, and switched to a box and 1, to shut down one guy who had been killing us with penetration. Somehow, I became the defensive stopper shadowing him, and I lasted a surprisingly long time before running out of gas. I'm not sure how, but we managed to crawl back into the game to find ourselves down by 2 with 11 seconds left. We bungled the inbounds play nearly had a back court violation when I ran into my own teammate who had the ball and the ball ended up in our center's hands about 25 feet from the basket, where he drained a 3 pointer with :01 left. It was fabulous. We managed to hold on for the one second and escaped with a victory we likely didn't deserve. But it was fun, I played ok and ran much better than I thought. But if I'm our teams defensive stopper in the front court, we've got some big problems.
The season started today, and we played . . . I don't know what ward. But somebody. We had about 12 guys, they had 7. We stayed close early. Then we got annoyed with the refs. (They do their best, I know them, and they're good guys.) The other team started pulling away behind some good free throw shooting. I think it's the first time I've ever seen a church team shoot 85%+ from the line. Anyway, our team, with all our people wasn't quite sure what we were doing on offense as most of us had never played together. Personally, I think I picked up 4 points. 2/2 from the line, and 1/3 from the floor. I got called for a charge, which is the first time that has happened in a long time, but it was definitely the right call.
Anyway, we found ourselves down by 12 in the 4th quarter, and switched to a box and 1, to shut down one guy who had been killing us with penetration. Somehow, I became the defensive stopper shadowing him, and I lasted a surprisingly long time before running out of gas. I'm not sure how, but we managed to crawl back into the game to find ourselves down by 2 with 11 seconds left. We bungled the inbounds play nearly had a back court violation when I ran into my own teammate who had the ball and the ball ended up in our center's hands about 25 feet from the basket, where he drained a 3 pointer with :01 left. It was fabulous. We managed to hold on for the one second and escaped with a victory we likely didn't deserve. But it was fun, I played ok and ran much better than I thought. But if I'm our teams defensive stopper in the front court, we've got some big problems.
Wednesday, January 16
Boring NFL
Adam asks: "How is the NFL boring? There have been some awesome games this year. And the Patriots are always doing something tricky."
I wanted to respond where all could see it, and I'll go straight for the big guns. The NFL is boring, because no one scores. The Pats broke pretty much every significant scoring record in the NFL this season, and averaged 36.8 points/game. On the college side, they were outscored by Hawaii, Kansas, Florida, Boise St., Oklahoma, Tulsa, Texas Tech, Missouri, West Virginia, Navy, LSU, Oregon, Arkansas and Texas. That's 14 teams out of 119 (11.7%) that outscored the record setting Pats. Excluding New England, the highest scoring NFL team was the Cowboys at 28.4 points per game. That would place them behind 53 NCAA teams. 6.25% of NFL teams score 28.4 points per game, 44.5% of college teams do. Finally, 34.3% of NFL teams score under 20 points per game (11/32) compared to 12.6% of NCAA teams (15/119). Scoring makes interesting games! Games with more scoring naturally have less punting, and fewer 3-and-outs. Those are boring.
College teams go for it on 4th down more often. Only 3 NFL teams this year attempted 1.5 4th down conversions per game. 76 NCAA teams did the same. 40% of NFL teams succeeded more than half the time. 48% of NCAA teams did. So they're going for it more often, and succeeding more often! That's exciting football.
One final stat: 1 team in the NFL (the freak show Pats) moved the ball more than 375 yards per game. 74 college teams matched that.
College has more teams, and therefore more games, increasing the likelihood that there is at least 1 or 2 interesting games any given weekend. Some college teams run the spread, some teams run the option. Some teams (Texas Tech and Hawaii) don't seem to know what a running back even is. That's exciting!
Maybe you want to argue the NFL has better defense or something else, and that's alright if that's what tickles your fancy. But to me, it's boring.
I wanted to respond where all could see it, and I'll go straight for the big guns. The NFL is boring, because no one scores. The Pats broke pretty much every significant scoring record in the NFL this season, and averaged 36.8 points/game. On the college side, they were outscored by Hawaii, Kansas, Florida, Boise St., Oklahoma, Tulsa, Texas Tech, Missouri, West Virginia, Navy, LSU, Oregon, Arkansas and Texas. That's 14 teams out of 119 (11.7%) that outscored the record setting Pats. Excluding New England, the highest scoring NFL team was the Cowboys at 28.4 points per game. That would place them behind 53 NCAA teams. 6.25% of NFL teams score 28.4 points per game, 44.5% of college teams do. Finally, 34.3% of NFL teams score under 20 points per game (11/32) compared to 12.6% of NCAA teams (15/119). Scoring makes interesting games! Games with more scoring naturally have less punting, and fewer 3-and-outs. Those are boring.
College teams go for it on 4th down more often. Only 3 NFL teams this year attempted 1.5 4th down conversions per game. 76 NCAA teams did the same. 40% of NFL teams succeeded more than half the time. 48% of NCAA teams did. So they're going for it more often, and succeeding more often! That's exciting football.
One final stat: 1 team in the NFL (the freak show Pats) moved the ball more than 375 yards per game. 74 college teams matched that.
College has more teams, and therefore more games, increasing the likelihood that there is at least 1 or 2 interesting games any given weekend. Some college teams run the spread, some teams run the option. Some teams (Texas Tech and Hawaii) don't seem to know what a running back even is. That's exciting!
Maybe you want to argue the NFL has better defense or something else, and that's alright if that's what tickles your fancy. But to me, it's boring.
Thursday, January 10
Forgetfulness
It's not just for pregnant ladies!
You know how days all tend to blur together? Yesterday, Shannon and I went to a doctors appointment scheduled at 3pm. I went to work a bit early and just left for the day before the appointment. At about 3:45 as we were still waiting, I noticed that I was getting hungry. It was then that I realized that I wasn't sure if I had eaten lunch that day or not. I really wasn't sure. After thinking for a minute or two, I decided that I probably hadn't. I considered calling work to ask someone to check the fridge for my lunch, but decided it wasn't necessary.
We've known for some time now that I was capable of forgetting to eat, but as it turns out, I can not only forget, but even when reminded, I may have difficulty remember whether I've eaten or not!
You know how days all tend to blur together? Yesterday, Shannon and I went to a doctors appointment scheduled at 3pm. I went to work a bit early and just left for the day before the appointment. At about 3:45 as we were still waiting, I noticed that I was getting hungry. It was then that I realized that I wasn't sure if I had eaten lunch that day or not. I really wasn't sure. After thinking for a minute or two, I decided that I probably hadn't. I considered calling work to ask someone to check the fridge for my lunch, but decided it wasn't necessary.
We've known for some time now that I was capable of forgetting to eat, but as it turns out, I can not only forget, but even when reminded, I may have difficulty remember whether I've eaten or not!
Tuesday, January 8
Chester
Back in October, Shannon and Celeste went and bought pumpkins so we could get together and make Jack-o-lanterns prior to Halloween. We didn't.
Then, in mid November, we got together to finally carve up our gourds. But jack-o-lanterns were no longer appropriate. Thanksgiving was almost upon us with Christmas right on its heals. So, we decided to carve some Thanksgiving and Christmas pumpkins, which we proudly displayed on our doorsteps for a few days. Of particular note, was the trip to the store to buy candles, where KC and I discovered that you can buy 11 scented tea lights for $4.14, or you can buy 100 scented tea lights for $4.14.
We were excited to post pictures of our pumpkins, but sadly, December was marred by computer difficulties experienced by the Hunts. (The aforementioned KC and Celeste.)
But January has arrived, and we've finally got art! So, I present to you, our pumpkins. KC carved the Christmas tree, Celeste did the holly leaves and berries, and I created the turkey which we named Chester.
No More Sports
I watched the last college football game of the year last night. (Really, it was the last game of last year, but that's not the point here.) The game was fine, but did not live up to the massive expectations we tend to put on championship games. Championship games rarely live up to the crazy expectations we put on them. College football is now over until the fall. College basketball is somewhat boring, unless it's March. The NBA is in the middle of a long season. The NFL is boring, and plays on Sundays. So, I've come up with a bold idea: No sports until March.
That's right, I plan to not watch sports until March. Now the caveats. I am allowed to watch sports center. I know, that may seem like watching sports, but it's not. I don't watch much sports center any more anyway, precisely because they don't show sports anymore. Sports Center has become filled up with 10 minute pieces of "all access" to some schools basketball team, and rarely touches on any sporting even that involves any team within 500 miles of where I live. My second allowance is that I can pause on sporting events long enough to become appraised of the score. Along with checking scores and standings on the internet, this will allow me to be plugged in enough that I will know what is going on when I tune back in to sports in March.
I expect two extra bonuses from my early Lent sports abstinence. First, loads of time will be freed up for other, more important things. Secondly, by not watching a single NCAA basketball game until March, I am all but assured of winning any and every bracket pool that I enter.
That's right, I plan to not watch sports until March. Now the caveats. I am allowed to watch sports center. I know, that may seem like watching sports, but it's not. I don't watch much sports center any more anyway, precisely because they don't show sports anymore. Sports Center has become filled up with 10 minute pieces of "all access" to some schools basketball team, and rarely touches on any sporting even that involves any team within 500 miles of where I live. My second allowance is that I can pause on sporting events long enough to become appraised of the score. Along with checking scores and standings on the internet, this will allow me to be plugged in enough that I will know what is going on when I tune back in to sports in March.
I expect two extra bonuses from my early Lent sports abstinence. First, loads of time will be freed up for other, more important things. Secondly, by not watching a single NCAA basketball game until March, I am all but assured of winning any and every bracket pool that I enter.
Tuesday, January 1
Happy New Year
It's been a while since my last post. I would like to site various reasons:
Christmas, travel, puking, vomiting, ralphing, spewing, hurling, tossing cookies, upchucking and yakking.
If you'd like to take count that is one alternative word for each time Sunday that my stomach attempted to turn itself inside out. So as to not mislead the public, I will clarify that these 8 events were grouped into two trips to the bathroom Sunday morning, not 8 separate trips. But, as the 8 individual attempts at gastrointestinal suicide represent an eight fold increase over the previous decade combined, I felt them worth of individual attention. I puked exactly once in November of 2001, the result of a very memorable potato salad and home-made mayonnaise. Prior to that, it had been sometime in high school. And so, my streak begins anew.
Shannon, Sabrina and Adie were also sick and threw up from the same disease. It put a bit of a damper on our new years, but we managed to have a good time anyway. Here's hoping that 2008 will be filled with less vomit than 2007, both of us, and for each and every one of you!
Christmas, travel, puking, vomiting, ralphing, spewing, hurling, tossing cookies, upchucking and yakking.
If you'd like to take count that is one alternative word for each time Sunday that my stomach attempted to turn itself inside out. So as to not mislead the public, I will clarify that these 8 events were grouped into two trips to the bathroom Sunday morning, not 8 separate trips. But, as the 8 individual attempts at gastrointestinal suicide represent an eight fold increase over the previous decade combined, I felt them worth of individual attention. I puked exactly once in November of 2001, the result of a very memorable potato salad and home-made mayonnaise. Prior to that, it had been sometime in high school. And so, my streak begins anew.
Shannon, Sabrina and Adie were also sick and threw up from the same disease. It put a bit of a damper on our new years, but we managed to have a good time anyway. Here's hoping that 2008 will be filled with less vomit than 2007, both of us, and for each and every one of you!
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