Reasons for Existance

Some things out there don't seem to have a broad range of uses. Once your pen runs out of ink, you generally throw it out, because really, what else can you use it for? Shoe laces that fray excessively at one of the ends suddenly have almost zero value. I have a growing collection of useless door handles for a Chevy Prism off of which one small piece has broken.

A few weeks ago, I gave a challenge of diagramming a horrid sentence. Suzanne did it and has declared the $1 prize to be rightfully hers. She even says that her solution was checked by her boss, an English major. In my efforts to be a good judge, I decided to bring in two outside opinions, both English majors whom I trust, to make sure Suzanne isn't trying to pull a fast one for some easy dough. Joy's response: "I'm afraid I'm of no help. . . . I've never diagrammed sentences before." Another day later and we had Chelsea's addition: "there's really no chance on this little green earth that I can fidure [sic] it out. " This has left me wondering what exactly English majors do. If they don't diagram sentences, who does? And if diagramming really isn't part of being an English major, why did I spend years being forced to do it in English class? And how is it that I've diagrammed sentences, but neither of them has? Is this why they chose to be English majors, because they were never caused to despise the subject by diagramming? And lastly, if you get a degree in physics, you're a physicist, biology and you're a biologist, but if you have a degree in English, what are you? An Englishist? Englisher?

You can see how this whole thing has turned my world upside down. I suppose I'm officially acknowledging Suzanne as the winner of the dollar.